


searching to find myself but all i find is you

by trilliastra



Series: Tumblr Fics [28]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Human, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2637584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trilliastra/pseuds/trilliastra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I miss you.” Stiles finally says, still walking in circles in his own room. Derek can’t see his face, but he knows just by the tone of his voice that Stiles is about to cry. “I spent two years in <i>freaking</i> London, I hooked up with people, had amazing <i>kinky</i> sex with them –” At the words Derek feels his heart breaking a little, even though he had his own one-night stands, his feelings for Stiles haven’t changed a bit. “and yet I can’t stop thinking about your face when I left.” He finally sits on his chair again, looking directly at the camera. Like Derek suspected, he <i>is</i> crying. “I remember everything, Derek.”</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Fuck.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	searching to find myself but all i find is you

“I need to tell you something.” Stiles announces as soon as Derek accepts the video call. “But you have to promise you won’t be mad.”

Derek arches an eyebrow. “You didn’t tell my mom about that time I sneaked out to go to Lydia’s party, did you?”

Stiles snorts, shakes his head fondly at the memory. “Ah, good times. But no, it’s not that.”

Derek shrugs, takes a sip of his beer. It’s Friday night, he won’t have to work tomorrow, he’s planning to get wasted while watching Game of Thrones re-runs. Fuck Erica for making fun of him, Derek _likes_ to stay home, okay? “Then shoot.”

Stiles takes a deep breath, stares at his own hands. He looks tired but every time Derek mentioned it Stiles got angry, so now he doesn’t even ask anymore. “I’m coming home.”

Derek doesn’t spit out his beer, but it’s a near thing. “You mean _home_ home?”

Stiles closes his eyes and then sighs. “Yeah, in two weeks.” He smiles softly. “They offered me a full-time job, but – I miss Beacon Hills. I miss my dad and Scott and Lydia – and you.” He adds. “I don’t want to stay here anymore.”

Derek nods, plays with the bottle of beer in his hands. “Are you sure this has nothing to do with Scott and Allison’s wedding?”

Stiles’ face scrunches up, but he doesn’t argue so Derek knows he got it right. He also knows that Stiles feels guilty for going away and leaving his family and friends behind, even though they told him many times that it’s okay, he’s just living his life, Stiles still feels guilty about it. “Not entirely.” He admits. “I loved spending some time on my own. I really did. And England is really fucking nice, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here. Hell, I don’t want to spend another month away from you–my friends.” He coughs, face heating up.

Derek’s heart gives a somersault at the implication that Stiles is coming back because he wants to be near him, or maybe even _with_ him. He can’t help but smile. “Why would I be mad at you for wanting to come back? You _belong_ here, with us.”

When Stiles doesn’t say anything and gets up to start to pace around the room, Derek’s stomach drops. He frowns, confused, tries to understand what just happened. “Stiles –”

“I miss you.” Stiles finally says, still walking in circles in his own room. Derek can’t see his face, but he knows just by the tone of his voice that Stiles is about to cry. “I spent two years in _freaking_ London, I hooked up with people, had amazing _kinky_ sex with them –” At the words Derek feels his heart breaking a little, even though he had his own one-night stands, his feelings for Stiles haven’t changed a bit. “and yet I can’t stop thinking about your face when I left.” He finally sits on his chair again, looking directly at the camera. Like Derek suspected, he _is_ crying. “I remember everything, Derek.”

_Fuck._

Derek gasps, hides his face in his hands. He can’t believe that Stiles thought _now_ was the right moment to tell him the truth.

“But you were drunk.” He says weakly. It’s a stupid argument, he knows, because he was drunk too and he remembers everything too damn well, but God, he can’t deal with this. Not after spending months trying to get over that one amazing night of sex. That night that meant everything to him.

That night where he told Stiles he loved him and Stiles said it back, and still fucking left to London.

“I lied.” Stiles sobs. Derek shakes his head, still unable to look up. “I’m sorry, Derek. I’m so fucking sorry.” Derek snorts, humorless, slams his hand on the table.

“ _Sorry_?” He yells, standing up. “Two years and all you say is _sorry_?” He kicks the chair, frustrated. “You left a note, Stiles! You left a note saying you didn’t remember what happened and that you had to leave! Then the next time we talked you started to babble about fucking Amber and some other girl called Rebecca, and you think a fucking apology is enough?”

“Please Derek, let me –” Stiles pleads, still crying, but Derek doesn’t turn back. He can’t look at Stiles, else he knows he will give in, will tell him that he still feels the same. That he has loved Stiles since they first met.

“Fuck you.” He spits out. “We know each other since we were seven. You always told me I’m your best friend!” Stiles calls his name again, Derek shakes his head. “I deserved more than that. I _deserve_ more than this.” Derek finally turns, stares at Stiles’ sad expression. “I still love you, you know?” Stiles’ eyes widen and he lifts a hand, clutches at his own chest like Derek’s words are physically hurting him. “But I can’t do this. Goodbye, Stiles.”

Ignoring Stiles’ protests he ends the video call, then throws himself on his bed and cries for the first time in two years.

–

“Derek!” Isaac comes running into his office. “She’s driving me crazy, please tell her to go home.” He pleads, scared. Derek sighs, he wishes he knew how to say no to Erica.

“I’m not telling her anything while she’s holding a knife.” Isaac all but collapses on the chair across Derek’s. “Call Boyd, maybe he will know what to do.”

“Boyd left her here on purpose.” He says. “I say we run for our lives and only come back once the baby is born.”

“And miss the birth?” Derek snorts. “She’d kill us.”

Isaac groans. “I’m not having kids. Ever.” Derek pets his hair silently with one hand and keeps writing the shopping list with the other.

“You’d be a terrible father!” Erica yells from the kitchen. “Derek too. I’m lucky I married the one who won’t be bad at it.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to be the best uncle!” Isaac shouts back. “I’ll buy them candy and condoms and booze, and you’ll regret treating me like shit.” Derek snorts. Erica and Isaac have the weirdest friendship, one day they are calling each other names and the other they are cuddling on the couch and sharing chocolate cake.

“Don’t you dare –”

“Enough.” Derek says once he hears a clash. Erica probably dropped another glass on the floor and at this rate they will be without glasses before the baby is born. “Go help Kira with the customers, you know she gets nervous alone.”

Isaac rolls his eyes, but gets up, once he’s by the door though, he stops. “We are worried about you, you know?” Derek looks up, surprised. The conversation he had with Stiles four days ago is still fresh in his mind, but he thought he was doing a good job at hiding his feelings. “If you want to talk, we’ll listen.”

“Thanks.” Derek says. “But I’m fine.”

Isaac gives him a dubious look. “I’ll pretend I believe you. But I hope you know that we’re not above locking you and Erica in a closet.” He smirks when Derek opens his mouth to protest. “Just think about it.”

His friends are the worst.

–

Two hours later, when Derek is trying to decide between going to the gym or buying an entire cake to eat by himself, someone knocks on the door. He arches an eyebrow, no one ever knocks before coming in to complain about something or someone – usually Erica – so he knows it’s not one of his friends or sisters.

He silently prays it’s not his parents, and moves to open the door. Only to find Stiles standing in front of him. “What are you doing here?” Derek manages to ask.

Stiles glares at him, shoves Derek back inside the room and closes the door behind them. “I hate you.” He says. “I fucking hate you so much.” Derek opens his mouth, tries to defend himself, tries to say he hates Stiles too, but nothing comes out. “You can’t just end the call like that and not expect me to come kick your _fucking_ ass!”

“You didn’t –”

“Shut up!” Stiles shouts, punches Derek’s shoulder – _hard_. “I know I was an asshole, I know I shouldn’t have lied or left like that. _I know!_ I hate myself for that, too!” Derek’s heart is hammering inside his chest and while Stiles walks around the room, cursing and shouting, Derek takes his time to finally look at him after two years.

He looks thinner, older, and really tired. Like he hadn’t slept for days, his fatigue a mirror of Derek’s own.

“But I was hurt. You had to get drunk to finally admit you loved me, to finally kiss me. And when I woke up and was able to really think about everything that happened, I felt like shit.” Stiles says. “I felt used.” A tear streams down Stiles’ face and Derek has to clench his fist not to reach out to wipe it for him. “I was ready to leave and you chose that _moment_ to tell me how you feel? Everything happened too fast and I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you left.” Derek finally says, the pieces of his heart finally mending together.

“So I left.” Stiles agrees. “The past two years were shit without you and I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to come back because this is my home. _You_ are my home, Derek. And I want to get things right.” He smiles for the first time and Derek finds himself smiling back. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Derek says. “I’m sorry.”

Stiles shakes his head, reaches out to touch Derek’s cheek. “No more apologies. Everything will be okay.” He promises and Derek – Derek _believes_ him.

With a shaky laugh Stiles is circling Derek’s neck with his arms, pressing their bodies together. Derek nuzzles at Stiles’ cheek, inhales the pure scent of Stiles and holds him back. They will have time for kisses later, now – they just enjoy having each other close.

“If you hurt Derek again, I’m going to skin you alive!” Erica yells from outside.

“Yeah, listen to the pregnant woman!” Isaac agrees.

Stiles laughs against his shoulder, and Derek smiles. He has the best friends.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the closest thing to an angst fic I'll ever write.
> 
> Again, you can find me on [tumblr](http://www.brookesbutler.tumblr.com)


End file.
